Helper syndrome

{origin : Helfersyndrom}
Helper syndrome refers to the negative effects of excessive help on the helper, which are often found in social professions (such as teachers, doctors, nurses and carers for the elderly, priests, deacons, psychologists and social workers). It was first described in 1977 by the psychoanalyst Wolfgang Schmidbauer in his book Die hilflosen Helfer.
The disorder underlying excessive help was later also referred to as pathological altruism (pathological charity).

Wolfgang Schmidbauer's concept

According to this concept, a person affected by helper syndrome has low self-esteem and is fixated on their role as a helper; helping or wanting to be helped becomes an addiction. In doing so, they try to embody an ideal that they themselves missed in their parents or generally in their childhood. His willingness to help goes as far as self-harm and neglecting his family and partnership; in doing so, he overlooks or underestimates the limits of what is possible and ignores the question of whether his help is desired or useful at all. He rejects the help of others in his mission. This can lead to burnout or depression.

Boundaries between healthy and pathological helping

Seeing the needs and hardships of other people is a sign of empathy. Helping or doing something good is fundamentally a positive thing and a natural and healthy human need. This also applies when we temporarily put our own interests on the back burner. It is important to find a healthy balance between giving and receiving and to consider your own wishes, needs and physical limits when helping - as well as the benefits and needs of the person you are helping.
You should be clear about your motives for helping and whether the help you are providing is really useful for the recipient (i.e. whether it is a service in the positive sense of the word). If the helper loses sight of the need of the other person, as well as their own wishes, goals and physical limitations, and helps primarily to enhance their own person, their helping becomes pathological.
The term 'helper syndrome' also refers to a person's tendency to offer themselves predominantly as a helper in interpersonal encounters. Because of their own need for affirmation, social contact or social recognition, the helper is so dependent on thanks, attention or affirmation from the recipient of help or society that they do not reduce their willingness to help even if their help is not needed or they feel overburdened, exhausted, exploited or abused. By "self-sacrificing", the helper satisfies their need for belonging and for confirmation of their self-worth (self-esteem)
While solidarity-based help is primarily orientated towards the benefit of the person receiving the help, pathological help is orientated towards the egocentric motives and unconscious psychological needs of the helper.
The pattern of making oneself dependent on the approval of others is usually learnt in childhood. Those affected only consider themselves to be lovable and valuable if they sacrifice themselves, receive validation from others in return and thus experience a revaluation of themselves ("martyr role"). In doing so, they forget to recognise their own wishes, needs and physical limitations, as well as to accept help themselves.
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source : Wikipedia

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helper syndrome
pathological altruism